Constellations

Project Ready to galvanise my grief into something positive, I visited a hypnotherapist to enhance my resolve for a new creative project (What to do with negative emotions). Unfortunately it didn’t go at all as I had imagined. I had already begun to feel empowered, that I was taking control of my negative emotions, would be soon turning them into something else, of creative value, … Continue reading Constellations

What to do with negative emotions

This might actually be me giving up on looking for romantic love. After my last internet dating experience my thought was ‘I don’t know if I am going to do this again’, and as it stands now I am still thinking that I probably won’t. The feelings of disappointment were so great they were becoming all consuming (Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.). And … Continue reading What to do with negative emotions

It’s all about the ‘spark’…

The last guy I dated said there wasn’t enough ‘spark’ for him. My response was this: ‘The old spark, eh? To be honest I don’t suppose I felt a huge spark either but it makes me realise that I don’t even look for that anymore – I’ve had it so many times & things have been amazing for a short while then ended pretty badly. … Continue reading It’s all about the ‘spark’…

Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.

I have been online dating now for a relationship since February/March, so for 5-6 months. This latest rejection has been very hard – I do not know if I will do it again. My response is to want to hurt myself, self destruct. Like many women (in particular), painful feelings I experience are directed inwards rather than exploding in outward anger at the person who has … Continue reading Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.

Please CHANGE the Relationship Rhetoric (FFS!)

Having just come back from my brothers (very beautiful, very happy) wedding, I’m caught between two equally legitimate, equally real warring truths; Our aspirations for love, and the reality of life. Of course, as my brothers wedding proves – these can overlap. We can fall in love and marry (if we choose) the person we love and this can be a wonderful and beautiful thing. … Continue reading Please CHANGE the Relationship Rhetoric (FFS!)

Dating profiles – less is more

Its best to leave your dating profile blurb pretty sparse in my opinion. The fact is people see your pictures and project a fantasy of you onto you which may or may not exist in reality. And why not let them? People hang onto these projected fantasies long after any relationship has begun, until such a point as reality hits in maybe a few months or even … Continue reading Dating profiles – less is more

Non non monogamy

New lovers name should now be changed to oldlover. He wants to get back with his wife. He cant, but that doesn’t affect the impact it has on me of course. I know we weren’t going out together by any stretch but there was at least something pseudo romantic about our engagement. Its a shift for me and its not pleasant. I haven’t had as … Continue reading Non non monogamy

Men are like buses…

You wait for ages… In all honesty I haven’t waited for ages, and they haven’t all come along at once, but still – at the moment there’s 5 of them. And I feel this is the balance for all those times I had 3 possible dates lined up and they all fell through. Yep – sometimes you’re losing & sometimes…. newlover. He is like, my … Continue reading Men are like buses…

I want a child

I can pinpoint the exact day I decided I wanted to have a child. Friday 13th January 2017. It was precipitated, necessitated by; a) Sometimes feeling lost, alone and having existential crises in Mexico – for it not being the constant joyous romp I had imagined it would. (Though of course the joy and romp I did in fact experience has been well documented in … Continue reading I want a child

Bearing witness to my life

I wonder about my writing a blog as being a way for my life to not go unnoticed. Because much of it, being single, I live by myself. Also my romantic encounters now don’t tend to be part of anything wider – my friends, my family etc, they happen largely in isolation. Its almost as if they don’t happen at all. Of course they do, … Continue reading Bearing witness to my life