Constellations

Project Ready to galvanise my grief into something positive, I visited a hypnotherapist to enhance my resolve for a new creative project (What to do with negative emotions). Unfortunately it didn’t go at all as I had imagined. I had already begun to feel empowered, that I was taking control of my negative emotions, would be soon turning them into something else, of creative value, … Continue reading Constellations

What to do with negative emotions

This might actually be me giving up on looking for romantic love. After my last internet dating experience my thought was ‘I don’t know if I am going to do this again’, and as it stands now I am still thinking that I probably won’t. The feelings of disappointment were so great they were becoming all consuming (Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.). And … Continue reading What to do with negative emotions

It’s all about the ‘spark’…

The last guy I dated said there wasn’t enough ‘spark’ for him. My response was this: ‘The old spark, eh? To be honest I don’t suppose I felt a huge spark either but it makes me realise that I don’t even look for that anymore – I’ve had it so many times & things have been amazing for a short while then ended pretty badly. … Continue reading It’s all about the ‘spark’…

Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.

I have been online dating now for a relationship since February/March, so for 5-6 months. This latest rejection has been very hard – I do not know if I will do it again. My response is to want to hurt myself, self destruct. Like many women (in particular), painful feelings I experience are directed inwards rather than exploding in outward anger at the person who has … Continue reading Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.

Please CHANGE the Relationship Rhetoric (FFS!)

Having just come back from my brothers (very beautiful, very happy) wedding, I’m caught between two equally legitimate, equally real warring truths; Our aspirations for love, and the reality of life. Of course, as my brothers wedding proves – these can overlap. We can fall in love and marry (if we choose) the person we love and this can be a wonderful and beautiful thing. … Continue reading Please CHANGE the Relationship Rhetoric (FFS!)

Learning is painful. And it takes time.

For almost a whole month I have not written a post. This is a long hiatus – the longest since I began blogging (albeit less than a year ago!). But there is a really good reason for this – I’ve been busy, suddenly with dates and job applications (in my quest to find a co-parent and financial support respectively) for my potential baby (I want a … Continue reading Learning is painful. And it takes time.

My relationship world view; negative or pragmatic?

I realise through my candid discussions with newlover how sad it can be to be confronted with someone else’s ‘new paradigm‘ perspective on romantic relationships, like the one I have. The sadness of what he was saying really hit me the other day when we were talking and I wondered if what I say and the beliefs I explore affect people around me who I … Continue reading My relationship world view; negative or pragmatic?

Don’t assume you know my relationship priorities

I used to fall for people who I really liked & really fancied. Usually I liked them so much partly because they were somehow unavailable, maybe not looking for a relationship like I was – or at least not with me. Then, my heart having been broken by some such man in a life changing ‘I’m never putting myself through that again’ kind of way, … Continue reading Don’t assume you know my relationship priorities

Dating profiles – less is more

Its best to leave your dating profile blurb pretty sparse in my opinion. The fact is people see your pictures and project a fantasy of you onto you which may or may not exist in reality. And why not let them? People hang onto these projected fantasies long after any relationship has begun, until such a point as reality hits in maybe a few months or even … Continue reading Dating profiles – less is more

Non non monogamy

New lovers name should now be changed to oldlover. He wants to get back with his wife. He cant, but that doesn’t affect the impact it has on me of course. I know we weren’t going out together by any stretch but there was at least something pseudo romantic about our engagement. Its a shift for me and its not pleasant. I haven’t had as … Continue reading Non non monogamy