I’ve packed lots of other stuff without a second thought – books, papers, CD’s, ornaments… but somehow my clothes seem different. Maybe its because, picking up the first batch of folded clothes on the bed I notice the bag I am about to put them into says ‘TO TAKE’, from when I labelled it for leaving Leeds. Then it hits me – the sadness – … Continue reading Its packing the clothes that gets me…
I can pinpoint the exact day I decided I wanted to have a child. Friday 13th January 2017. It was precipitated, necessitated by; a) Sometimes feeling lost, alone and having existential crises in Mexico – for it not being the constant joyous romp I had imagined it would. (Though of course the joy and romp I did in fact experience has been well documented in … Continue reading I want a child
Oaxaca City = really pretty. Something I noticed since I arrived in Mexico are the bright colours everywhere. Here the colonial houses are painted in beautiful bold colours which contrast dramatically with the bright blue skies. They have amazing mercados (markets), and I wandered into one for some lunch one day – its was a huge indoor space made of comidas (eateries) next to one another … Continue reading Oaxaca Ciudad, Mexico
I don’t know how to start this really. Not even sure I want to post about it – it’s so sad. Still, it’s so present, so important, and such an extreme example of where exercising the freedom that is so crucial to my survival now (see: Kids & Joy & Selfish Me) is at odds with the other things happening in my life. Very sadly, my … Continue reading Dilemma
The below post was written from the very insecure, depressed place of a comedown. I had taken a little something with newlover (the subject of Practising Letting Go), which was really really fun, but unfortunately in payment for this, the very next day my confidence and sense of personal safety decided to pack their bags and slip out post-haste via the back door, only to gradually begin … Continue reading I took the blue pill…
I don’t have the love of children or given my beliefs, won’t be relying on the longevity of a partner relationship to nourish me so, for survival, I need to seek this from elsewhere. Actually the absence of children and a partner to love and love me back means I don’t have the ties and responsibility that go with it, what I have is freedom. … Continue reading Kids & Joy & Selfish Me
Meditating just now and bringing gentle awareness to my body, I notice grief in the form of a staircase that starts in my stomach and reaches all the way up my throat to the back of my neck. How clever of me to have managed to ignore this huge clunky thing sitting right down the middle of my body. It’s like I just glanced towards … Continue reading Staircase in my throat
What’s up with me today? Just don’t have the va va voom, the confidence I did before, the last few days actually. Last week I was let down twice by tinder dates. Really got to me. I had thought ‘Finally! I want EXACTLY what men want to give me!!!’ but turns out noooo, some of them can’t get their shit together enough to even offer … Continue reading ‘no idea what to call this post’
I have a dilemma. Having moved back to my home city, but having kept a job in the city I lived in with my ex, I work remotely but will be travelling back there a couple of times a month. When I left, in the end, the main thing that broke my heart (or maybe the main thing I haven’t yet worked out how to … Continue reading Advice please; should I see my cats?
My friend date and tinder dates yesterday fell through, it’s raining today, and my (almost fixed) broken toe is aching again just in time for my long anticipated night of dancing this evening. But really I’m incredibly sad. I found out late last night that my ex was in hospital awaiting surgery. Its likely nothing too serious but I feel disproportionately upset by it, and … Continue reading Not the best day….