Staircase in my throat

Meditating just now and bringing gentle awareness to my body, I notice grief in the form of a staircase that starts in my stomach and reaches all the way up my throat to the back of my neck. How clever of me to have managed to ignore this huge clunky thing sitting right down the middle of my body. It’s like I just glanced towards it and it was there. It made me realise how easy it is for us to ignore these things – our mind is so clever at ignoring what our body so desperately wants to tell us.

I suppose my mind has been protecting me from this grief, afraid it would be very dangerous for me to recognise it. What happens is in fact a bit surprising – I am not overwhelmed by it as I was expecting, I decide immediately to make it my own – incorporate it as part of me, a constant part of me that I realise has its own place and isn’t necessarily to the detriment of my other, more pleasurable emotions and outlooks. Grief tricks us into thinking it’s the only emotion, but it just wants to be heard like all the others. And like the others, once it’s heard, it can move on until next time.

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